Why YOU Should Vote UKIP

I'm sick, tired and frankly bored of all the UKIP hate floating around the internet and other media outlets nowadays. THEY'RE JUST SAYING WHAT EVERYONE'S THINKING, GUYS. I've decided to compile a list of all the reasons one should vote UKIP (if you're not an immigrant or a benefits scrounger - we don't want your dirty votes!)

26 GAZILLION people want YOUR job

You know the drill: they come over here, taking all our jobs! High unemployment is happening because of The Foreigners (not the cuts or the international financial crisis), don't you know. Yes, the rumours are true. THE FLOODGATES ARE OPEN and Britain is literally going to fill up of WAVES of people wanting your job, using your NHS and creating crime EVERYWHERE. They will not contribute to the economy in any way, by paying tax, becoming doctors, teachers, police etc. They will probably kill your children. (P.S. Nigel Farage's German wife is exempt from this, he bagsied her) 

Leader Nigel Farage is just like Any Other Politician

Not to be mistaken for Toad from Toad Hall, Nige went to a private school just like David Cameron. So that shows he really is capable of running the country, and sympathise with the lesser-privileged, just like David Cameron has been. Farage has even tried to outdo the tories with his expenses, having claimed £2m of taxpayers' money on top of his usual salary. This attribute is not to be mistaken for in any way being similar to people cheating the benefit system, as politicians are above the law. Even better, he's an ex-Wall Street banker. Cool! 

UKIP are committed to spending more on military - just what we need. 

Ever thought to yourself 'there aren't enough warships in the world'? Or, better yet, 'what the devil happened to the good ol' glory days of the British Empire? Rule Britannia!' Well, UKIP are right up your street, my patriotic friend. All that money we save spending on trade and all that sort of tosh in Europe will be better spent on Her Majesty's fleet. 

This poor actor had to sit down with a cup for a photograph, all thanks to EUROPE, the bastards.

UKIP don't give a shit about climate change

FINALLY someone who doesn't want to save the planet with pesky renewable energy like wind turbines.

They are the more socially acceptable version of the BNP!

If you've ever just sat there and thought 'I'd really like to announce my affinity with the BNP or the National Front, but they're not very cool nowadays' well - problem solved! All those ethnic minorities truly should be sent back to 'Bongo Bongo Land' or the 'Black Country'. Because all black, Asian and other groups come from one of these places, and they're all ruining everything. But, UKIP aren't racist, (they're xenophobic - duh) so you won't be saddled with that inconvenient label. 

They really do hate gay people

I know what you're thinking, I can't believe this government let gay people get married! I've had it up to my neck with all this political correctness - what about the church's feelings? And gay marriage really was to blame for the floods.

Finally...Fear is the best way to make policies

As the UKIP website says (27/04/14) "These are anxious and troubled times". There is historically no better way to garner voters for a small party than by scapegoating minorities in a time of crisis. Remember the National Socialist Party (Nazi for short) in the '30s? They had the same idea. That turned out alright, didn't it?